Things That Are Supposed to Happen Series
by Phoenix with a Head Cold
Summary: We know you have those secret desires to see things happen in the Harry Potter series, well, here's your chance. *This Episode* Mr. Weasley Meets Mr. Light Socket*
1. Fred and George Run Out of Jokes

Fred and George Run out of Jokes  
  
Yellow's Segment  
Fred and George were sitting in their room about to go downstairs for dinner, but first, they had to prepare that night's entertainment. Yes, it was a burden being jokesters, but it was a burden these two courageous boys were willing to shoulder.  
  
You may be sitting here thinking, "How hard could it be? All you have to do is crack a few jokes." But these boys had to constantly come up with jokes, it was a tough job.  
  
"Hey? Hey, George? Hey? Did you come up with any new material?" Fred inquired with a malicious glint in his eye.  
  
George looked up slowly, "Fred, our day has come." He replied solemnly, "Today," He paused, "Today we have run out of jokes."  
  
Fred gasped. It couldn't be possible, not Fred and George, not the infamous Weasley twins! But it was so.  
  
Fred swallowed, "No, no, it's not true! Tell me it's not true!" He grabbed a handful of George's robes.  
  
George pulled Fred off of him, "It's true!" His lower lip began to tremble, "There are no more jokes to be told."  
  
Fred collapsed onto the floor and began having a tantrum, not unlike those that two-year-olds have. He was kicking, screaming, and banging his fists on the floor.  
  
George grabbed him and yanked him up. "Get a hold of yourself!" He spat, "Do you want THEM to notice?"  
  
Fred nodded and wiped his eyes. Yes, it was better this way, no one should ever know.  
Fred and George walked into the dining room with sombre expressions on their faces. The rest of the family looked up expectantly, "Well." Ron voiced, "Go on, entertain us, SLAVES!"  
  
Fred and George glanced at each other nervously. "Well," Fred began, "Have you heard the one about..."  
  
"Yes!" The family chorused, bored looks on their faces.  
  
"What about the one..."  
  
"Seven times!" Ginny piped up exasperatedly.  
  
"Um," George started beginning to lose his nerve, "H-How about the one about the skeleton.and his favourite instrument."  
  
The family looked quizzically up at George.  
  
He continued in a stronger voice, "Yes, yes, his favourite instrument is the trombone!"  
  
The family stared at George with blank expressions on their faces.  
  
"That," Percy said finally, "Was the saddest excuse for a joke I've ever heard."  
  
"OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!" Ron cried.  
  
"NO! No, we can do better!" Fred tried desperately, "Just give us another chance! Please!"  
  
Ron looked imperiously at the twins, "One more chance, then."  
  
Fred nervously licked his lips, he had no idea what to do. George pushed him forward, it was now or never. Fred cleared his throat and placed his hands out in from of him, almost as though there were an invisible barrier around him.  
  
The family stared dumbstruck. "A mime?!" Ron thundered, "You try to entertain us by acting like a MIME?" He began to shake with anger.  
  
Fred immediately stopped and stared at his brother with a horrified look on his face.  
  
"Forget the others!" Ron cried, "I'll decapitate you myself!" He lunged at the twins, who immediately turned and bolted up the stairs locking themselves in their room.  
  
"George," Fred began timidly, "Let's not leave this room till we finish this." He held up a copy of "100 Jokes Guaranteed to Please". 


	2. Mr Weasley Meets Mr Light Socket

Mr. Weasley Meets Mr. Light Socket  
  
Yellow's Segment  
Mr. Weasley walked up the tidy walkway up to the front door of what he presumed to be the Granger's house. He checked the slip of paper in his hand and the number on the house. This was indeed Hermione's house. He knocked three times on the front door and stood waiting. A few moments later Hermione's face appeared at the door.  
  
"Mr. Weasley, how nice to see you, come in please." She stood back and allowed Mr. Weasley to enter.  
  
He took but one step in and his eyes lit up in pure glee. This was a muggle house! They had muggle things! He had to look around.  
  
"Mr. Weasley, I'll be just a moment, my parents are in the other room, make yourself at home." She disappeared upstairs.  
  
Mr. Weasley walked into the room where Hermione said her parents were, the kitchen. He stepped in there and squealed in delight causing Hermione's parents to share a meaningful glance.  
  
"Oooh! Look! All these muggle things! Oooh! I love them! They're so cute! Do you use them all the time? May I try? Ooooh! I know what that is! That's a micerwave! I've always wanted to try one! Oooh! This is so exciting!" He sputtered out in one breath.  
  
Mr. Granger raised his eyebrows, "Um, yes, that is a microwave, you've never used one before?"  
  
Mr. Weasley shook his head, his eyes wide and innocent, he was looking more and more like a child every minute, a tall, balding child.  
  
"Well, yes, we have plenty of gadgets in here, as a matter of fact we just got a new garbage disposal installed, would you like to look?"  
  
Mr. Weasley nodded mutely and followed Mr. Granger to the sink. Mr. Granger turned the faucet on and flicked the switch on the wall, a strange gurgling noise erupted from the sink.  
  
"Oooh! That runs off of eckeltricity! Oooh! Can I touch it?" He reached his hand into the sink.  
  
"NO!" Mr. Granger turned the garbage disposal off. "That could cut off your hand! Do you understand what could have happened?"  
  
Mr. Weasley nodded, fear evident in his eyes.  
  
Suddenly, a voice echoed from upstairs, "Mum, Dad, can you help me with this?"  
  
Mr. Granger turned to Mr. Weasley, "I'm going to go upstairs, just stand here.don-don't touch anything while I'm gone!" He disappeared upstairs.  
  
Mr. Weasley tried his best to stand still, and he actually managed it for a good fifteen seconds, but his curiosity got the better of him. He walked back over to the sink and turned it on. He noticed that the top of the faucet could detach with a little hose and he decided to play with it. He pulled it off and shot water all around the kitchen. He began to giggle thinking that this was great fun.  
  
Suddenly, he heard feet on the stairs. He quickly wrestled with the hose and ended up with the hose directed in his face, he almost managed to drown himself before Mr. Granger saved him.  
  
"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" Mr. Granger cried. "I told you not to touch anything!"  
  
"Well, I wanted to see how you got the garbage thingie to work." Mr. Weasley whined. He glanced around the kitchen, surveying the damage, when something caught his eye. He headed towards it.  
  
"Now, see here." Mr. Granger began.  
  
"Don't worry," Mr. Weasley said with a smile, "I know what that is, that's a plug, and I collect plugs."  
  
Mr. Granger stared at him as though he were mad.  
  
"And that's a socket, I know what that is too, don't worry, I'm a professional." He picked up the plug and began to insert it into the socket.  
  
"No!" Mr. Granger cried, "You're risking electric.oh never mind," he sighed in defeat, "Why do I even bother?"  
  
Mr. Weasley inserted the plug and felt the jolt of electricity go through him, he blacked out. 


	3. Snape takes a bath

Snape takes a bath  
  
By Red  
  
"My!" Professor Flitwick exclaimed as Professor Snape walked by, "Severus really smells!"  
  
"You're right, I don't believe that man ever took a bath," McGonagall agreed.  
  
"The only time he probably touches soap is when he rubs it against his greasy head."  
  
"We should give that oily monkey a bath!"  
  
"Capital idea, Minerva!"  
  
"But how shall we lure him to take a bath?"  
  
"Don't worry, I have a plan."  
  
"Would all teachers report to the bathroom now," Dumbledore's voice boomed through the hallway, "All teachers, except Professor Snape."  
  
This made Snapie sad, he was always being left out of the fun stuff that happened in the bathroom. So he decided to show up anyway because he didn't want to be left out again.  
  
So Snape put on his prettiest black robe and black pants and black shirt and black shoes and black socks and black thong underwear and left to go to the bathrooms.  
  
"There he is! That slimeball!"  
  
All the professors lunged towards Snape.  
  
"So, this is what you guys are always doing in the bathroom," Snape said excitedly.  
  
"Get the water!" Madam Pince cried.  
  
"Water? No! Not water!"  
  
Next thing he knew, Snape was being plunged into a tub of lavender bubbles. The foul smell burned his nostrils.  
  
Snape cried in pain as the soap touched his body, "It hurts! Burning.!"  
  
"It's for your own good, Severus."  
  
McGonagall began to pour shampoo into his hair as Professor Sprout began spraying him with water, and tiny Flitwick sponged Snape's feet while giggling wildly. Dumbledore ran around chanting orders, "More soap! More shampoo! Scrub harder! Get me a towel! Stat!"  
  
Finally they were done washing. Snapie stood there wrapped in a towel and looked like a very miserable and ugly wet racoon-dog hybrid.  
  
Madam Pomfrey began blow-drying his hair and putting in pretty pink curlers. "Done!" she exclaimed.  
  
Snapie looked in the mirror. Suddenly he noticed his hair was more bouncy and manageable. And that he felt better when sheep heart and monkey dung wasn't wedged between his finger nails. He ran his fingers through his hair poofy hair, "Gosh, I look swell!"  
  
"Oh Severus," Flitwick raised his eyebrow suggestively, "I enjoyed your choice of undies." 


	4. McGonagall becomes a ninja

McGonagall becommmmmes. a ninja!  
  
By Red  
  
Professor McGonagall walked slowly into class studying the vacant expressions among the faces of her idiotic Gryffindor students. "Today class," she announced as she reached the front of the room, "I will teach you something worth value and importance."  
  
"Finally," Ron murmured.  
  
Ignoring this, McGonagall began again with a glint in her eye, "I will teach you to transform intooo," her voice heightened, "a ninja."  
  
The class stared dumbfounded as if she had just announced that little billywigs had infested in her brain, which would be a great explanation on why she was acting so loony.  
  
"Yes, class, a ninja. Let me demonstrate," she proceeded behind her desk and her eyes darted around suspiciously. Suddenly, she bolted under the desk.  
  
The class looked around at each other, all wondering why a seventy- year old transfiguration teacher had just went under her desk and was going on about ninjas. Next a pair of hands lifted a muggle-music-device-thingy on the desk which started playing "Everybody was kung fu fighting." McGonagall jumped on her desk now decked in a ninja costume and was breaking dancing to the appropriate music.  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes, "You can so tell she just changed into that costume."  
  
"Everybody was kung fu fightiii-ing!"  
  
"Um, 'scuse me, Professor." Harry raised his hand timidly.  
  
"Those kicks were fast as lightniiii-ing!"  
  
"Professor!"  
  
McGonagall turned off the stereo and stopped singing, "What Harry?"  
  
"How does this have any relevance to, uh. anything?"  
  
"Well Harry, I shall answer your question with a simple kung-fwa move I learned at the judo-monka-cho-cho karat-ah academy." McGonagall flipped off her desk and kicked Harry in the gut.  
  
"Dude!" Ron shouted, "That was so cool!"  
  
McGonagall ka-ra-tah chopped Ron and rolled to Hermione's side of the table and then kara-tayed her nose.  
  
"What was that for?" Hermione cried, "I didn't say anything."  
  
"Ah, ninja know everything," McGonagall said in a fake oriental accent, "And you have very, very big teeth."  
  
Forming her hands in the shape of a gun and posing in ninja-type stance, she declared, "Now if you excuse me class, I have a world to save." And she flipped out of the room humming the Mission Impossible theme song.  
  
Ron coughed, clutching his stomach, and looked up at the door, "That was bloody brilliant." 


	5. He dies

What Could Have Happened Series: He Died.

A/N: I have about five minutes to write this, as I am in school. So here we go.

"Hey guys, wanna see me defy death!?" Harry shouted with a chipper smile. "The Hogwarts Express is coming and--"

"Harry," Hermione said as she adjusted her new glasses that made her look even more like a bookworm. "I think not highly of this established plan of yours."

"Do it! Do it! Do it!" Ron chanted.

"Ron!"

"But I wanna see him defy death," Ron whined like Voldy without a lollipop.

"It's not like he doesn't do it every other day, Ron. Wait until the end of the year when Voldemort becomes alive/stronger and gains a new power/apprentice, and the whole world explodes."

The train comes rushing up, Harry stares at it nervously, thinking about Hermione's suggestion. Yes, yes it would be easier to wait until the end of the year... but the train was just so shiny.

"Ron!" Harry yelled, shoving a piece of paper into his hand. Harry bolted forward and leaped in front of the train, where he was then thrown forward several feet, crushed under the tracks and squeezed into Potterade (which will be on sale at the next Quidditch World Cup).

Ron and Hermione stood with mouths agape, as with everyone else on the platform; except for Malfoy who was doubled over in laughter and had peed himself.

Ron unfolded the note in his palm:

"Goodbye, cruel world. I hate you so. But as for you Hermione, I love you with all my heart. If it weren't for the fact that you had to steal my thunder with the whole glasses-thang, I wouldn't have done this. –Harry"

"That's awful!" Hermione exclaimed. "Look what he wrote! He should know that noun in direct address is separated from the sentence with a comma!"

The end.

Or is it?...


End file.
